I'm in Van Buren, Arkansas at the moment, and went to Chili's for dinner. Well, that's not quite true. I went to Chili's to get some drinks and maybe order an appetizer. No one goes to Chili's to eat and not to drink. Why? Because Chili's is Chili's, and you don't go there unless you plan on drinking through it.
So we get there (the "we" is my mom and me, which is another reason to drink), and my mom says, "Are you going to have a beer?" Before I can finish replying with the obvious choice, the waitress chimes, "Oh, we don't have alcohol here." Almost as if we should have known better.
What. The. Fuck. Why would anyone, ever, EVER go to a Chili's that doesn't serve alcohol? A Chili's without alcohol is like a male porn star without a dick. It's like an episode of Baywatch without bouncing breasts. It's literally absolutely, completely useless. I just did some quick research (aka a Google search of "van buren arkansas dry"), and it looks like all of ONE PLACE in the county here has a liquor license. Really, Arkansas? You're really so holy that when you're not, you know, burning crosses and/or insisting the Confederate flag is totally cool to put everywhere, you won't let me have a goddamn beer with my sizzlin' fajitas or whatever the fuck it is I'm ordering?
Fuck you, the South. The truth of the matter is, I honestly can't imagine that you guys aren't drunk all the time by the way you act down here.
I'm sorry. That was rude. But seriously. If you can't sell me a beer, you don't even deserve a Chili's, and that's just sad.
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In chemistry, an alcohol is any organic compound in which a hydroxyl group (-OH) is bound to a carbon atom of an alkyl or substituted alkyl group. The general formula for a simple acyclic alcohol is CnH2n+1OH.
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Kyle
Alcohol Rehab
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