80k seems like a lot of money for poon

So we all know about (now former) New York Governor Eliot Spitzer's resignation for (allegedly!) spending eighty thousand dollars on hookers. Awesome. Totally awesome. Wonkette has a link to show you what eighty g's will get you in (I'm assuming golden) vagina. Also the specific girl from the specific rendezvous that broke the whole story. To be honest, after studying and studying and studying the pictures, as well as all the research into the sex trade I must undertake to truly call myself a semi-monthly blogger, I'm just not sure it's worth the money. Of course, I have never visited a prostitute, so maybe there's some big secret I don't know about how paying for sex is totally a good idea. And I certainly have never visited a $4,300 prostitute, so I can only imagine what luxury awaits inside those assumed-majestic halls, to use a vaguely sexual metaphor (assumed-majestic = expensive; halls = pootietang). I feel like, to someone like me, a really really expensive hooker holds a lot of the mystery and intrigue that the women's restroom has. Seriously, ladies. We imagine gold toilets, paper made of the finest silk linens, big-screen televisions, the works. At least less urine on the floor than we have. I'm sorry. We were talking about hookers.

But I was wondering what I might spend $80,000 on, if I weren't inclined to sample the finest whores the East Coast has to offer. I made a list. I also had help from a friend.

• 3,750 copies of Fugazi’s Instrument DVD with 2,000 copies of the soundtrack online
• 65,128 boxes of Annie’s mac and cheese at Target, not on sale
• A MacBook Air, 50 of the 160GB iPods (enough to store 2 million songs), 50 dock stations that plug each iPod into a speaker/alarm clock setup, a Louis Vuitton luggage set to carry it all in, and enough money to buy 67,129 songs off of iTunes to fill up all that stuff
• 400 autographed “Bo Knows” posters
• A subscription to Newsweek for the next 4,102 and a half years
• Just a whole bunch of blow
• Full season ticket package (all games) for a field level seat for the Oakland A’s for the next 33 year
• A 3 bedroom, 1 bath, 1088 Sq. Ft. home in Shelby, Indiana
• 150,000 Oh Boy! Oberto spicy beef jerky sticks
• A hit out on Bono
• 3200 hair cuts
• A hysterectomy
• 533,333 "American Idol" votes (standard text messaging rates apply)
• 8000 hand jobs at Penn Station
• 53 Miada M’s from 1994 in Valencia off craigslist
• 612,000 gallons of Tang (the drink, perverts)

Join in on the fun! What else would you spend $80,000 on instead of getting your knob polished?