Oh, the Democrats are awful at politics!

I mentioned in my last little post there that the Democrats (I'm putting the "d" in caps because the fourth member of the Axis of Evil, the New York Times, does it) have probably found a way to lose the presidential election. That, of course, assumes it was theirs to lose. Which it very, very, very much was. House and Senate swung that way (and you know how the Democrats love to swing that way!) last time around, and I don't know if you've been paying attention, but it turns out a shitload of people aren't too thrilled about the war-lies-death whatnot. It was pretty much at the point where the Democrats could have run a Nazi eggplant and it would have beaten any Republican candidate (I didn't check if the New York Times put the "r" in caps; I assume not, because I'm pretty sure that newspaper is printed with ink made from the blood of the Vietnamese that were killed after we cut and ran).

And then Hillary Clinton started winning primaries. Now, a few things on that, first. I like Hillary Clinton. I have no problem with her, mostly because she seems intelligent and, you know, is a Democrat. So I'm not someone who is saying ANYONE BUT. Turns out I didn't even get to vote for my guy. I so wish we could have a President Kucinich. We could probably annex Narnia if that happened.

Also, two of Hillary's primary wins, Michigan and Florida, don't even have delegates. They don't count. But people are sheep (no offense, people), and will vote for whomever everyone else is voting for because, hell, they seem to be doing okay for themselves. So even though they literally mean nothing to the nomination, (very) convincing wins in Michigan and Florida can snowball into more victories on Super-Duper-Tuesday. I almost called it Super-Duper-Pooper-Scooper Tuesday, but then I realized I didn't write Meet the Spartans.

And so we've come down to this: Mittens and John and Hillary and Barry. And, to some extent, the Other John, but he's a populist, and there hasn't been one of those popular since Frank Baum wrote Wizard of Oz and no one realized it was propaganda anyway. It turns out, with Barry's rhetorical style (rhetorical like, way of speaking, and not "Why do you make me hurt you?"), he can beat any Republican that is running right now. He can elevate, he can get those Independents and retards that don't write in Ron Paul after Paul concedes and returns back to the moon of Endor where he belongs. Hillary can beat Mittens, because he's a retard, and if God actually blesses the Huckabee campaign with the nomination as He should because Huckabee hates the gays, Hillary can beat him (and Him), too.

But Hillary can't beat McCain. She's running on "experience" (total bullshit, FYI), and he's like 112 years old and has been in the Senate since before Henry Clay. She's running on Washington know-how, he's sponsored EVERY bill you've liked, EVER. She's running on It's Tough To Be In a Campaign Day In And Day Out, he's running on I Was Gang-Raped In The Hanoi Hilton. McCain wins every time.

And then we're in Iraq until Huckabee's God gives the earth back to Israel. Good work America. Because McCain hates hates hates the ay-rahbs, you've made certain for another 9/11, and then Rudy can try and be president again. This is your fault.

UPDATE: The Other John is dropping out because no one likes him, and is immediately returning to the mill whence he came. You do know he invented mills, right?